Tiki Talk Talk Show: Monologue Jokes 3/23/13

I can't believe I'm already on number 4! Crazy! If you've been reading every week I thank you from the bottom of my liver. It's a far stronger organ than my heart so I feel like that is a better thing to say. And now, on with the jokes!

On Wednesday Harrison Ford admitted to a reporter that he will be reprising his career-making role as Han Solo in the next Star Wars film. In a related story Charles Bronson will be starring in Deathwish 6: Corpses Can Kill Too.

Smartphones may soon be using manufactured sapphire, the second hardest substance after diamond, instead of glass as screens. Now we can finally get angry at our phones and throw them at the ground without any consequences.

A "Veronica Mars" movie is happening thanks to a Kickstarter campaign that reached its $2 million goal in less than a day. The producer who started it said he also has another Kickstarter going to make a movie based on ABC's short lived series "Cavemen." So far no one has pledged any money.

A gay couple from Burbank, CA has brought their fight to overturn Prop 8 to the Supreme Court. Besides asking for the right to be married in the state's eyes the couple will also be petitioning for the right to drink out of any water fountain.

A New York man admitted to faking his own death on Thursday. He was caught speeding in South Carolina last July. He was trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for "Worst Way to Collect Life Insurance Fraudulently"

Photos posted Monday on Facebook by Tiger Woods revealed that he is now officially dating alpine skier Lindsey Vonn. More unreleased photos on Woods's phone confirm that he is also dating three Jennifers, a Kelly, a Patricia, and two more Lindseys.

The new pope's sister revealed that during the previous conclave she actually prayed that her brother would not be elected as the new pope, saying that she, "...didn't want my brother to leave." Friends and family of the siblings in Buenos Aires said that they are inseparable and that their relationship is very "Game of Thrones."

That's all folks! Until next week...