Tiki Talk Talk Show: Monologue Jokes 4/3/13

Pixar has announced a sequel to "Finding Nemo" which will center on the character Dory, voiced by Ellen Degeneres. The film will be about early onset Alzheimer's in adorable little blue fish.

David Beckham has been expressing the anguish he feels about being apart from his family while he stays in one of the most lavish hotels in France to play for a French soccer team. He said it gets really tough when, "the facial towels in the spa are a just little bit too hot."

The Sun, the UK's most popular newspaper, is planning to remove its famous "Page 3" which has featured photos of topless models since the 1970's. Google however will continue to support the "safe search off" option.

The US Navy is moving a warship and a sea-based radar platform into position off the coast of North Korea. It's all part of "Operation: A Taste of Their Own Medicine" which involves blasting "Gangnam Style" into every radio device in the country until they discontinue their nuclear testing. 

AT&T is moving forward with plans to introduce "HD Voice" which will make people sound more like they do in person on the phone. Now it will be almost impossible to end an annoying phone call by making a bunch of fake static noises with a candy wrapper.

Porn icon Ron Jeremy has finally gotten back to work after having open heart surgery. His younger co-stars say that the bright red scar on his chest makes his body look "more distinguished."

A six-year-old drumming prodigy and YouTube sensation is going on tour again to showcase his talents. His parents said this time he's probably old enough to do cocaine off a hooker's ass without someone holding his hand.

Lindsay Lohan was spotted on a beach in Brasil with four large bruises on her leg. She said, "I fell down some stairs. No really, I fell down some stairs, I was waaaasted."

Former quarterback and first round pick of the Raiders Jamarcus Russell said he's lost 25 pounds and is serious about coming back to the NFL. That's odd because I thought that April Fools only lasted for one day.

In South Africa a local woman has started a youth marching band to keep local kids off the streets and out of gangs. I guess getting beat up by a gang is better than being a part of one. 

Thanks for reading everyone!