Tiki Talk Talk Show: Monologue Jokes 4/18/13

A man in New York was convicted of stealing $376,000 in toner from his work and reselling it on the "office supply black market." He was caught when he tried to trade the toner for a shipment of Cuban staplers. 

Major League Baseball had every player on every team wear the number 42 on Tuesday in honor of Jackie Robinson. Several players also wore towels with 42's on them instead of pants because they thought they were supposed to be celebrating Douglas Adams's The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. 

Singer Lauryn Hill said she evaded paying taxes for three years in 2005 because of threats to her family. She said they were threatening to "miseducate" her family.

During the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday actress Aubrey Plaza, who had written the title of her next film on her chest with a sharpie to promote it, interrupted Will Ferrell's acceptance speech for an award by trying to steal it from him. The title of that next film is "I Will Never Get the Chance to Be In a Will Ferrell Movie Now."

Clint Eastwood attended Coachella on Saturday with his daughter Francesca. She said it wasn't actually that bad having him around because, "he's more like a grandpa than a dad, he doesn't even know where he is most of the time."

Former President George W. Bush was interviewed about his painting hobby which he says is fun for "busting stereotypes" about himself. Unfortunately finger painting really only adds to those stereotypes. 

The Chicago Cubs have unveiled a $500 million plan to renovate Wrigley Field. All $500 million will be going toward the purchase of an entirely new team. 

A lawsuit has been filed in Arkansas to block the state's new abortion law which makes abortions after the first twelve weeks illegal. The lawsuit seeks to make it completely illegal to have an abortion because Arkansas still uses the coat hanger method.

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