Tiki Talk Talk Show: Monologue Jokes 4/21/13

A sinkhole opened up in Chicago's South Side, swallowing up three cars. In that sinkhole, the nesting place of the all powerful Sarlacc, the cars will find a new definition of pain and suffering, as they are slowly digested over a thousand years. 

A plan has been proposed to use a spacecraft with a harpoon to remove orbital junk in the atmosphere. PETA is already formally issuing a protest simply because the word "harpoon" was used in the wording for the plan. 

3 Doors Down bassist Robert Todd Harrell has been charged with vehicular homicide. He shot his truck's transmission with a shotgun.   

Three new planets that could hold life have been detected by NASA's Kepler satellite.  Scientists are saying that if there is life out there as advanced as we are it's not completely crazy to assume that they also have a show called The Bachelor. 

...Scientists were also able to find four needles in three separate haystacks.  

In response to the Newtown, Conn. school shootings in December, the MPAA is enlarging the phrases next to the rating of a movie for why it earned a specific rating. Apparently "brief nudity" and "crude references" can really set a lot of people off. 

Dick Van Dyke was forced to cancel an upcoming appearance due to a "yet-to-be diagnosed neurological disorder." You know at his age he really shouldn't be trying to say "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" anymore.  

Legendary sportscaster Al Michaels was arrested and charged with a DUI on Friday night. He said he was simply doing research to better understand what it's like to be a player in the NFL. 

Thanks for tuning in folks!