Tiki Talk Talk Show: Monologue Jokes 4/5/13

A video released by ESPN shows Rutgers basketball coach Mike Rice shoving, kicking, and shouting homophobic slurs at his players. That last part isn't as bad as it seems however because he would shout, "You're all a bunch of queers! Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

Spain's Princess Cristina has been ordered to testify in court in a corruption probe. They wanted to know why they still have a princess in 2013.

An eight-year-old girl has been sent home from school 24 times in the past five months because of her foul odor. I guess that's what you get for being the daughter of Swamp Thing! 

A 22-year-old Chinese woman conducted her own funeral service and spent an hour laying down in a coffin just to see what it would be like. It was a beautiful service until she got out of the coffin and frightened all of the small children attending.

Missile and launch components have been moved to the east coast of North Korea in the last few days according to a U.S. official. He said that it's been a lot of fun watching the North Koreans try and put it together.

A report by Public Policy Polling found that 12.5 million Americans believe that Barack Obama is a giant lizard dressed in a suit. To be fair to those people, I haven't ever seen him not wearing a suit.

Lance Armstrong was banned from competing at the Masters South Central Zone Swimming Championships this past weekend. He was caught trying to use performance enhancing Honda boat propellers.

Uganda has suspended the hunt for fugitive warlord Joseph Kony. They said not enough white people were posting YouTube videos about him anymore to their Facebooks.

Thanks for reading ladies and gents!