Tiki Talk Talk Show: Monologue Jokes 5/19/13

A string of tornadoes tore through four states on Sunday killing one and injuring as many as 12 people. A butterfly in Laos is currently being held for questioning.

A meteorite that struck the moon recently was so powerful and bright it was visible on Earth to the naked eye. Unfortunately no one saw it because everyone was staring down at their smartphones when it happened.

According to a South Korean military official North Korea fired a missile into the Sea of Japan on Sunday in addition to three short-range missiles on Saturday. The military official believes that Kim Jong Un has now decided to go to war with the lost city of Atlantis, if he can find it. 

Buckets of KFC are being smuggled from Egypt into Gaza. Finger licking good, but only with the right hand... 

A woman has received advanced bionic hands to replace the hands she lost to flesh eating bacteria. Unfortunately she says she has no plans to become a superhero because neither of her parents were killed by criminals or tragic circumstances. 

Researchers from the University of Texas are warning that a species of South American ants dubbed "Crazy Ants" could pose an ecological problem in the southeastern U.S. They're also worried that another awful Indiana Jones movie with man-eating ants may completely ruin America's economy.

...They're mostly worried that their crazy ANTics will be a bad influence on the other ant species in the area. 

Terrafugia, an aerospace company in Massachusetts has begun feasibility studies on a flying car that can perform vertical takeoffs and landings. The studies involve testing different fuel sources, developing new lightweight materials, and watching episodes of The Jetsons.

Mars One, the program that intends to send four people on a one-way trip to Mars where they will live out the rest of their lives in small modules with recycled air and water, has received more than 78,000 applications. In a related story MTV has still not received any applications for their upcoming season of The Real World set in Oakland, CA.

49ers linebacker Patrick Willis is receiving a lot of angry messages on Facebook after he posted photos of a snake he killed in his backyard with a pellet gun. Democrats now believe they have the ammunition, pardon the pun, to finally end the debate on gun control.

Thanks for reading you sexy rascals!