The Jokes of Episode 1

Steve Wozniack was one of the first people to see Kim and Kanye's new baby girl North West. His reason for being there was to suggest they use segway as a middle name because, as he says, it's the best way to travel from North to West. (Written by Ricky Bartshe, who is a genius).  

On Wednesday the daughter of Former Yankees manager Joe Torre caught a falling baby in Brooklyn. She said she had a tough time catching it however when it turned out to just be Alex Rodriguez trying to commit suicide.  

On Monday in a recorded deposition for a lawsuit, Paula Deen admitted to telling racially insensitive jokes and using the N-word at one of her restaurants. Prosecutors said it overall it was not a very helpful deposition since all it's been able to do is prove that white people from the South are racist. 

Men's Wearhouse fired longtime spokesman and executive chairman George Zimmer Wednesday over disagreements on the company's direction. Men's Wearhouse wanted to start guaranteeing that customers were "gonna love, not like, the way they're gonna look" while Zimmer said he was just not comfortable with guaranteeing THAT much. 

The American Medical Association voted on Tuesday to reclassify obesity as a disease and recommend a number of measures to fight it. The measures would all be made in front of popular high school girls (OR Jeff Ross) so that you would be so embarrassed that you either start losing the weight immediately or just kill yourself. 

German Chancellor Angela Merkel recently referred to the internet as "Neuland," or a new uncharted territory, while speaking with President Obama Wednesday. She also recoiled in fear shouting "WITCH! HE'S A WITCH!" any time the president pulled out an iPad to jot down notes. 

The United States has asked authorities in Hong Kong to extradite Edward Snowden, the man who leaked details on U.S. surveillance programs to Britain's Guardian Newspaper. They said that if Hong Kong doesn't comply they will have no choice but to send Batman because, as we all know, "Batman has no jurisdiction." 

...They said that if Hong Kong doesn't comply they will have no choice but to send Bruce Wayne off with the entire Russian Ballet.  

On Friday San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick threw an 87-mph first pitch at a San Francisco Giants game. In a related story the Giants have let go starting pitcher Tim Lincecum and have signed Colin Kaepernick to a three year, $30 million deal. 

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have named their new born baby North West. They said they decided on North over South because Southwest Airlines has no first class.  

New research has shown that a heart attack or stroke may also lead patients to suffer from PTSD. As a result doctors and nurses have been asked to stop throwing live grenades into the ICU as practical jokes. 

Thanks for reading guys. Some of these jokes are part of the pilot episode of Epic Tiki's Tiki Talk Talk Show! For more info and to actually watch the show head on over to epictiki.com