Tiki Talk Talk Show: Monologue Jokes 7/3/13

29-year-old Cardinals rookie Robert Gill was filmed running at an impressive 25 mph on a treadmill. He later earned a speeding ticket when he broke the record while doing 27 mph in a school zone. 

...And if you think that's impressive, we've clocked the T-Rex at 32 mph!

A new telescope named IRIS will be used by NASA to look closely at a "mysterious part of the sun." NASA said they called it IRIS to remind researchers not to use it for too long, lest they burn out their own irises.  

...The telescope will also be used to test the limits of the iris while looking directly at the sun .

In a recent interview Stephen King said that the TV adaptation of his book "Under the Dome" will change a lot of things such as characters and plot lines. However the biggest difference he said, was that people will now be watching the story unfold instead of reading it. 

A banker in Michigan has quit his job at Comerica Bank and opened an ice cream store. He said, "tricking people into eating something that will make them fat is much more fun than tricking them into bad loans."

A company owned by Cleveland Browns owner Jimmy Haslam is reportedly in debt $4 billion. As a result the Browns have been forced to acquire disgraced QB Jamarcus Russell as an unpaid intern. 

An unmanned rocket in Russia carrying satellites for Russia's version of GPS exploded and crashed in a fireball Tuesday. Authorities believe the ghost of Rasputin may have had a hand in the crash.

In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly Christian Bale has confirmed that he will not return as Batman in a Justice League movie. He said his recent casting as McGruff the Crime Dog would create scheduling issues. 

Wanted NSA computer contractor Edward J Snowden's father has proposed a deal that he says will get Snowden to voluntarily return to the U.S. and stand trial on espionage charges. The details of the deal have not been released, but experts believe it involves a Klondike Bar. 

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