Fugitive intelligence leaker Edward Snowden will finally be allowed to leave the airport he's been holed up in after he is granted temporary asylum by Russia. Russian authorities said in addition to leaving the airport, Snowden will now also be allowed to play his Xbox again and stay out with his friends until midnight.
Fans of Paula Deen have been sending origami-folded butter wrappers to Food Network in protest of the network dropping her from their lineup. What no one can figure out however, is where Paula Deen got so many Asian fans.
...This is a lot like the time OJ Simpson fans sent in origami-folded football jerseys to the NFL.
Skechers is paying a $40 million settlement for its false claims that their "Shape-up" shoes can help people lose weight and tone their butts. Skechers is now also facing a lawsuit for tricking people into wearing shoes that made them look mentally handicapped.
"Real World: Las Vegas" star Dustin Zito was arrested in Louisiana recently for sexual battery and resisting an officer. He will be pleading not guilty because he claims no one ever told him the show was over.
...In a statement released the next day Zito apologized saying he just didn't realize that the show was over.
In a recent interview Sony's lead system architect Mark Cerny revealed that the new Playstation 4's controller almost ended up with a sensor that would measure the amount a player is sweating. He went on to say that Sony abandoned the idea once they realized that all nerds sweat a lot.
A new study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that the average erect penis size of men in America is 5.6 inches. (In other news) That means that at exactly 6 inches long, I am officially above average!
NASA says its Mars Curiosity rover is currently on a road trip to study terrain in a new area and determine how the Martian landscape has changed and evolved over time. While studying hard away from home the Curiosity rover will also be exploring its sexual identity.
NASA has given an update on the Mars Curiosity rover's status saying that it is currently on a road trip to study terrain in a new area to determine how Mars has changed and evolved. The rover also plans to lose its virginity as it studies hard away from home.
Google Maps has added the set of Diagon Alley at Warner Bros Studios in London from the Harry Potter films to Google Street View. Google says they plan on creating a Google Street View of Splash Mountain at Disneyland but they are still working out the logistics of getting one of their map cars onto the ride.
...Now you can not visit a place that doesn't actually exist...
NBA player Kevin Durant has gotten engaged to WNBA player Monica Wright. They said they were thrilled they could finally get married now that the Supreme Court has legalized gay marriage.
...Jason Collins, an NBA player who recently came out of the closet himself said, "well, that's one way to do it."
Thanks for reading! These jokes may be in episode 2 of Epic Tiki's Tiki Talk Talk Show which if all goes well will be out next week! In the meantime you can watch episode 1 below if you haven't checked it out yet. Or you can watch it again and re-experience all the magic! And please, share it with your friends, it's the opposite of herpes guys.