Tiki Talk Talk Show: Monologue Jokes 7/25/13 - 8/9/13

August 9

Yahoo! announced it will soon be changing its corporate logo come September 4th. The new logo will be OH MY GOD NO ONE CARES ABOUT WHAT THE YAHOO LOGO LOOKS LIKE!!! 

To date, more than 100,000 people have signed up for a chance to be a part of the Mars One project which would send them on a one way trip to Mars. A survey of the applicants revealed that they are all people who live in Stockton, Modesto, and Oakland CA. 

A new report suggests that nearly half of all video gamers are in fact adult women. The report was later debunked however when it was discovered to have been made in the imagination of a fifteen year old boy. 

August 8

On Wednesday the carcass of a shark was found on a New York subway car. Many assumed the cause of death was water deprivation but the real cause of death was in fact a fatal stabbing in the shark's right gill. 

Beyonce released a series of photos of herself via Instagram showing off her new "pixie cut" style hairdo. Her publicist later released a statement saying Beyonce is trying to look more pedestrian so she can more easily relate to her fans.

August 2

The US has issued a global terrorism travel warning for attacks that may occur in the Middle East and North Africa. The State Department calls this a "No Duh" announcement as most Americans already know that traveling to the Middle East or Africa is a dangerous proposition. 

July 25

New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner said he's only sexted three women since resigning from Congress last year. He also said, "Of course that number jumps up to around 25 or 30 if you count me sending a message with my last name in it."

A luxury cruise liner failed a surprise health inspection by the CDC on June 17th when inspectors found meat and cheese being stored in crew cabins. The CDC is now being sued for referring to the cruise liner's employees as "meat and cheese."

Scientists have successfully implanted false memories into the brain of a mouse. They first spent several years developing their own technology before giving up and hiring Leonardo DiRatrio and Mouseph Gordon-Levitt to do it.