Tiki Talk Talk Show: Monologue Jokes 4/14/13

A German hacker showed off a new app he developed which can hack into and hijack an airplane. He said he would never actually take control of any planes but he did say he has a blast making passengers watch Breaking Dawn Part 2 multiple times during long flights. 

According to an article on Time Magazine's LightBox, Yakutsk, Russia is the coldest city on Earth. It gets so cold there that the inhabitants sleep inside of tauntauns at night.

Police in Georgia were forced to kill a man who took several firefighters hostage Thursday. Apparently he was trying to force them to pose in his 2013 Sexy Firefighter Hostage Calendar. 

The U.S. Postal Service has decided it will not stop delivering mail on Saturday as it had previously planned. They said they were worried that some citizens might go postal over not receiving their mail. 

Analouisa Valencia is making history by being the first biracial lesbian to ever enter the Miss South Carolina contest. She hopes to appeal to more conservative voters by wearing a confederate flag patterned bikini. 

A severed goat's head was dropped off anonymously at Wrigley Field in Chicago, a connection to a curse issued by a fan of the Cubs in the 1940's who was not allowed to bring his goat into the stadium to watch a game. The owner of the Cubs said he's used to the goat heads but he's tired of finding pentagrams cut into the grass in the outfield. 

A U.S. official said that North Korea's raising and lowering of a missile into and out of firing position earlier this week could have been an attempt to "mess" with the United States. Minutes later a flaming bag of dog feces was found on the doorstep of the White House, confirming those suspicions.

Thanks for reading guys!